My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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