She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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