cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
