I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
