When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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