Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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