I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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