i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
