It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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