Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
