did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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