I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
