Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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