I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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