We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
