and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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