my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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