the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
