there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
