Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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