some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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