Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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