I am in a vortex of obligation.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize