Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
