I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
