absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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