Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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