My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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