a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
