when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
