??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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