Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Found your dick twin last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
