My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize