Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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