How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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