I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize