i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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