I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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