Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize