listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Randomize
