I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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