I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
