Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
