please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
