Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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