i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it's like iHOP with fire
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize