it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
