i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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