its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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