ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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