nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
