Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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