just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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