Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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