Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
