Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
