Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize