3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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