I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
