apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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