Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
