billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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