theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
