I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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