Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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