fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
